Not a Morning Person 2

This is a continuation of yesterday’s post…

And there it is. The ugly truth. I expect the world to revolve around me. Now, let’s consider that assumption for a moment. What grounds do I have for this almost-subconscious belief? That I’m a good housemate and deserve to be able to sleep as long as I choose without being jolted awake by the crashing of heavy wooden fire-doors? That it’s just a ‘nice’ thing to do – and other people should be nice. Everyone knows that, right?

Why do I think the world should revolve around me?

selfWell, when you think about it, what other solutions are there? That the world revolves around someone else? That your life should be spent, given up and devoted to ensuring someone else’s happiness? Urgh. No thanks. If I’m honest, that sounds horrendous. I want to live for me. Think it over – can you visualise how awful it would be to live for someone else? The worst kind of slavery – not being free to do as I choose, always, at just that moment you think you can finally get what you’ve always wanted, being pulled back in by those demands of others, demands that you must fulfil?

So then, I’m trapped. Life is going to be a perpetual struggle – living for me, but being continually frustrated that everyone else, in doing the same thing, thwarts all of my plans. It would be comical, if it weren’t so achingly tragic. I have to keep living for me – the alternative is slavery, and yet it will never bring me happiness – the world is set against me.

Perhaps a better kind of person could cope with the whole ‘living for someone else’ deal. Maybe it just takes some other kind of human being, who can not think most about their own interests, and live instead for the interests of others. Maybe such a person could cope with doors slamming early in the morning, and people chattering away at them when they don’t need to, and be more concerned, more genuinely concerned, to ensure someone else’s happiness. Even the door-slamming person’s own happiness. Honestly, from the bottom of their very good heart, care for you, for me, more than securing their own comfort. Maybe.

All I know is, that person isn’t me.

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